Sneaking this in here while it's still technically Saturday.
Started: January 10, 2013
Finished: April 4, 2013
Divide leftover alpaca sock yarn from last pair of socks into two equal-ish balls, for contrast toes.
This will be the easiest part about the whole process.
Attempt to cast on using Judy’s Magic Cast-on. Drop DPNs constantly. Try unsuccessfully to find a circ of the correct size. Keep tangling yarn and dropping stitches. Finally cast on: 30 st on a size 2 dpn and a piece of green electric wire. Curse liberally. Do the other sock toe too, before you lose the trick of it.
Realize you accidentally cast on for the second sock with a size 3. Do your best to ignore it, because heaven help you if you're going to go through that again.
Knit around three rounds with size 1 dpns. Begin increases two stitches from the end of each needle, each other round (4 increases each other round) until each needle has 25 stitches on it. On plain row following, Russian join the new yarn: Berroco Sox, divided into two roughly equal balls. 100 st in total.
Begin 4x2 ribbing on top of foot. Knit 40 rounds. On 41st round, change to size 0 needles. Marvel that this makes absolutely no difference gauge-wise. Knit 25 rounds with size 0 needles and rapidly become tired of cramping hands. On 66th round, switch back to size 1 needles. Continue knitting 20 more rounds, badgering Bandit to try it on every so often.
On 86th round, pull out the pdf for Toe-Up Socks with a Difference. Puzzle over the numbers given. They're not a simple linear increase. Realize you can't figure out how to extrapolate the numbers given for the number of stitches you actually have (because honestly, who knits a sock with 100 stitches?) Ask LYS owner for help. Feel slightly vindicated when she can't figure out the extrapolation either. Poke around the designer's website. Find errata for a similar heel construction, complete with a series of numbers that still doesn't quite get to 100 but gives you an idea of how you should be extrapolating. Begin gusset shaping for heel.
*Finish gusset shaping, start turning heel, get Bandit to try it on, realize the heel is too long. Rip out. Start knitting again, beginning the increases at an earlier point, and updating the numbers above as you keep changing your plan. Repeat from * once.
Try yet again. However, instead of alternating increase rounds with plain rounds, do three increase rounds and one plain round. Increase until there are 79 gusset and heel stitches, then begin turning heel.
Worry about how quickly the heel increases widen out the sock, and about the probable lumpiness of the bottom of the sock. Decide not to put yourself through that ordeal yet again.
Continue 4x2 ribbing on top of foot and plain stockinette on back for all eternity. Discover that one of your half-balls of yarn is much bigger than the other. Alternate knitting rows on each, then switch every half round, then switch every needle. Join the ends and knit right up until the yarn is all gone. This will take weeks. Try not to be too surprised when the cuff is still too short for Bandit's liking.
Dye silly red and white spotted sock yarn specially for the top of the cuff. Change your mind about using it, and crack open some plain gray cotton/acrylic instead: Kraemer Yarns Saucon Sock.
Knit seven rows of 2x1 ribbing. Try not to scream. Bind off.
Try on the socks, just out of curiosity.
Wonder why you just had to go and date a guy with feet that will actually fit into these socks.